Why I Don’t Want Kids

This is an unusual sort of post for this blog, but being childfree is a huge part of my life. I feel a responsibility to share this because way too many women continue to have kids for the sole reason that “that’s just what you do.” I want it to be known that this is a choice, an absolutely valid one, and for many people the best one. I often get asked why I don’t want kids, and it’s hard for me to answer besides saying “every reason there is.” What are those reasons? I’m going to be really blunt. But this is my decision. My opinions do not represent the childfree community as a whole. I also don’t disrespect parents. Just people who became parents for the wrong reasons, and parents who are bad at it.

On with it.

1. Tokophobia. The idea of pregnancy and childbirth is a huge turnoff, and it actually scares me. I’ve had nightmares. I won’t feel comfortable unless either Mike or I become sterilized. I would go through almost any means for this to happen.

2. The environment. The world is disgustingly overpopulated. Quite honestly I feel that having kids when there are over 7 billion people on this earth fighting for resources is just plain irresponsible .

3. I hate kids. It’s a negative stereotype of the childfree that they hate kids, but in my case it happens to be a true one. This does not mean I want to hurt them. It does mean I find them for the most part to be stupid, annoying, and boring, and I’d rather not be around them. I’ve met a small handful of kids I can think of whose company I enjoyed.

4. I can’t afford it. Kids are really insanely expensive. Having the attitude of “it’s ok, the government will give me money for them” is the same as saying “Why work? I’ll just go on welfare, sucka!” and one I find deeply disturbing. It’s a myth that childfree people have a ton of money. I think the majority of people cannot legitimately afford having kids. “Making it work” doesn’t count. If you are constantly in need of a sale and pinching pennies wherever you can, life sucks, and that also means it sucks for your kid. More so, because they didn’t choose this, they don’t understand this, and other kids are cruel. I don’t mean you need to be rich, but at least have enough money to avoid them going through junior high in an oversized “Just Say No” tshirt like I did. College alone is way too much. If I could afford that I would enroll myself. But I can’t, and neither could my parents. There goes a meaningful future.

5. I would be a shitty parent. I have a dog and if I didn’t believe that animal abuse is wrong I would have strangled her long ago, and that’s just a dog. Any kid of mine would suffer from neglect, resentment, and possibly emotional abuse. I’m not selfish enough to put a kid through that.

6. I’m not selfish. Go play in traffic if you call me that, unless you’ve adopted. I believe in adoption. Way too many kids out there need families while people who want to be parents are too busy replicating themselves instead of helping them. Newsflash: Your genetics are not superior. Who do you think you are?

7. Because I’m not selfish. By this entry I mean that I will not have a kid so that it can have a job to do to serve me. I will not have a kid just so I have someone who MIGHT take care of me when I’m old. I will not have a kid to “fix” my marriage. I will not have a kid to be fulfilled. If an adult cannot do these things on their own then they have a lot of growing to do still as people, and getting a baby to do it is pure stupidity.

8. kids are harmful to marriages. This is a proven fact. My marriage is great, and I’d like to keep it that way. I married Mike because I actually really enjoy spending time with him, not so I could treat him like a sperm donor.

9. I am very easily grossed out.

10. I have shame. I’m not willing to spread my legs and shit on a bed in front of a room full of people.

11. I have much better things to do than changing diapers, buying obnoxious toys, and cutting nail polish out of the carpet. Mainly educating myself, sharing knowledge, reading, writing, traveling, having other experiences. Having a great career. Contributing to the world.

12. My kid, as any, would be much less likely to become a doctor than a garbage man, sandwich artist, or criminal.

13. Aside from all the resource hogging, each human being in a first world country produces over 24 tons of CO2 in their lifetime. Then there’s their kids, and their kids, and their kids. It’s amazing how much damage a person can do.

14. Shitmykidsruined.com

15. Because I don’t feel it’s some super special magical thing. Even bugs have babies. What’s really special is using your brain and your unique talents to better serve the world.

16. Five minutes of Treehouse makes me lose my goddamn mind. And according to modern parents, kids are the all mighty rulers of the remote control 24/7. Mommy and daddy aren’t even allowed to watch the news or the precious babies will cry for the Wiggles.

17. Other parents. Have you seen the episode of The Simpsons where Marge is trying to satisfy the other moms at play dates and they freak out and catch an ambulance when the kids drink out of a cup with a number 7? That. Kids are overprotected and worshiped instead of actively molded into intelligent, kind, productive members of society. Kids should not be the boss of their parents, and this is what’s happening in modern families. They’re coddled, given their way, and awarded trophies just for showing up.

18. Other kids. Kids who get trophies just for showing up. Self-involved selfish little brats. They all treat each other so shockingly badly. I don’t want anyone to go through that hell. It was bad enough when I was a kid and there was still some tiny sense of human decency left. I got teased and made fun of in a brutal way, but nobody ever texted my naked picture to the whole school or threw me into a dumpster.

19. Non-parents have a lot more time and a little more money to volunteer and donate to worthy causes. One day I would like to be a tutor (although even volunteer tutors these days seem to need teaching degrees, so the hunt is not going well) or big sister.

20. It doesn’t last 18 years. It lasts FOREVER. I think a lot of parents would be better at it if they went into it actually acknowledging this.

If you’ve made it this far without being offended, thanks for being awesome 🙂 I’d like to close with a quote from https://childfreefeminist.wordpress.com

“It means being free of the dogma of a historic, ancient patriarchal society that believes women are only as good as their wombs. It means being free to choose what you want in your own life–whether that is to be a farmer in Singapore or a doctor in London. Being childfree means being free to do what you want with your time, your money and your body. It means being free of the silly politics of parenting. It means being free of being mindless consumerists with children products being shoved down your throats. It means being free of worrying about pedophiles, drugs, teenage pregnancy, teen suicide, bullying and another person’s political and moral choices that are beyond your control. It means being free to think for yourself.”

14 comments on “Why I Don’t Want Kids

  1. Vinnie says:

    this is the best thing on the internet ever.

  2. onegal08 says:

    Excellent post. Parents need to read this so they can get an understanding instead of dumping on the childfree without knowledge.

  3. Amber says:

    Childfree for life! You took all the words right out of my mouth. Except I have no idea what Treehouse is. & for that, I am thankful. ;D

  4. Benedict says:

    FANTASTIC. These are all of the reasons I got sterilized.

  5. Wonderful! I wish more people would “out” themselves. Maybe then, others might think for even 5 seconds before having children. It *is* a choice. Many don’t think it is, just assume it is a given that they will have children. Keep writing, kiddo. The world needs to hear your voice.

  6. Katrina says:

    brilliant blog! my partner and i don’t want kids either, i don’t know why but i find people can take offense to it and expect an explanation or its the ‘you’d make a great mother!’ or ‘you’ll change your mind, i felt like that too when i was your age’…i’m in my 30’s now- at what age does my decision become valid?? thank you for the update- best one i have read all year!
    also on another note- how long did it take for your Jupiter Moon corset to come in? i ordered in late Sept and was hoping to have it by Christmas…
    again great update its so great to know there are other people who don’t want to live in child land…i couldn’t do it, i don’t want the financial burden, the lifestyle…any of it. as you said, i’ve got better things to do.

    • Thanks for the comment! It’s so great to hear from others who feel the same way. With Jupiter Moon I ordered in May, had my order officially placed in June I think, and got it in August. It was just slightly longer than the ETA on the site of 8-10 weeks. She does multiple orders at a time and does the occasional convention, and runs the whole business herself though so she can have a tendency to get backed up and not even respond to email for a couple weeks. If your order was paid for in September I would be fairly confident you would get it in time. Maybe just give her a little poke with the email for an update to be sure. She also offers guaranteed dates/rush for a bit extra if you’re ever really in a bind on a new order. I’m planning to order with my christmas bonus (after we didn’t have as money as we had hoped for for my birthday) and I’m already slowly starting the process by discussing ideas. Best to start early lol.

  7. Lina says:

    I do not know who you are, I just found this because I was reading about vintage nail fashion. BUT I am so happy that I am not alone about not wanting kids. I do not feel like a weirdo anymore, thanks to you!

    • I’m so happy to hear that! You would be surprised how many people feel the way we do, I read somewhere it was about 1 in 5. Or at least 1 in 5 don’t have kids for whatever reason. But since we started exploring the issue and being very vocal about it we have discovered that many people we know felt the same way, and we’re not such a minority as we thought. You are part of a growing part of our culture that I think is going to create some big changes in society 🙂 Check out the childfree groups on facebook and reddit, they’re very active and full of some of the most intelligent and good people I’ve ever met. And btw I totally love weirdos 😉

  8. Woahele says:

    I found my way here when I was googling corsets and waist training and was pleasantly surprised to find a fellow child-free soul. My reasons for not wanting kids are the same as yours, though I think I could probably ignore all others if I actually liked children. I never liked kids even when I was a kid and now that I am 26, I like/want them even less. I keep waiting to feel the ticking of the biological clock but nothing so far… maybe it’s a myth?

    Anyway, thought I’d post my “+1” here as too often people who make the choice to be child-free are met with nothing but crictism and are compared to some kind of emotionless monsters.

    • Ava Strange says:

      Thanks for speaking out! I think it’s a myth that *every* woman has the biological clock. I actually think I’m one of them that do. But your mind has to be stronger than your hormones in this case, as it should be ANY time your hormones tell you to do something bad for you. It was tough when I was 22, but I refused to be a puppet of biology. And thank god for that because my life would have been ruined otherwise. 30 is going to be just fabulous lmao. Thanks for making the right choice for you!

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