Shit. Halloween is coming up really damn quick and you still have no idea what to do. Well that’s scary. What are you going to do? Here are some pun-free ideas for men and women, boys and girls, individuals and families, sexy and non-sexy, all more clever than that dumbass “nudist on strike” idea you thought you’d have to resort to.
– Paper Bag Princess. This one is empowering! Get a yard waste bag (there are a lot of those this time of year) and cut a hole in it for your head and arms. You can hem (i.e. tear) it to as long or short as you want. I also thought of tearing the bottom into strips up to the knees or thighs and curling them outward to be all stylistic about it. Use more paper bag or yellow construction paper for a crown. Works for people (mostly females) of any age.
– Alternate version – If you want a more fetish version, or if you want to make it into more of a couple’s/boy’s costume, you could be the garbage bag prince or princess. Make a duct tape crown. You can even use duct tape as a belt and/or harness. Somebody will have to cut you out of it at the end of the night 😉 Sexy! Seems like it would be slightly more wearable too.
– The Mad Hatter. Just wear your strangest clothes and a pile of hats. I did this last year and put it together in about half an hour. This costume is suitable for anyone of any gender or age.
– Charles Manson. This is best for men with beards. Basically just dress like a hobo, put a smiley face on your forehead (because swastikas are still bad, mmkay?) and walk around with a crazed look in your eye. If you have a lady partner she can dress up like a hippy. Add some blood. If she’s blonde or has a wig, you can have her put on a white dress and be Marilyn Monroe. You can be Marilyn Manson! Ok, so that’s kind of a pun. But you have to forgive me for that one because it’s awesome.
– Zombie. Dress like a hobo again, tear your clothes up, and get it really dirty, and add some fake blood and deathly makeup. Works for any age/gender/sexiness level.
– Zombie Baby. Pregnant? Stick some doll limbs to your belly with fake blood around them. AHH IT’S BREAKING FREE! Although you can probably do this even if you’re not pregnant (or even a woman) too. Google image search “zombie pregnant halloween” for epicness.
– Sheet ghost. This one is a classic, and I did this when I was 21. It was a huge hit. Get the ugliest sheet you can find and put eye holes in it. Only takes five minutes! Also works great as a couple’s/group/family costume, especially if you have a girl to go as Lydia Deetz. Oh, and make sure to walk around going “WOOOOOO!!!”
– Sugar Skull. Wear a cute black dress, lots of hair flowers, and the rest is all makeup! Guys can do this too, but wear a suit instead of a dress, and no flowers. Unless you feel like it.
– Rosie the Riveter. Jeans, work shirt, red bandanna around your hair. It’s almost not even a costume!
– Doctor/Mad Scientist/butcher. Some of us took science in college. Others of us are just strange. People like us probably own a lab coat. Put it on, and the rest is up to you.
– Lydia Deetz. I’ll admit I did a terrible job with this last year (which is Why I changed my mind and decided on The Mad Hatter at 3am the morning of work), because nobody got it at the party I wore it to. But basically you just put on a plaid skirt with a longer black skirt underneath, white shirt, and black sweater. Best if you have black hair or a black wig and make yourself pale. Awesome when combined with a sheet ghost. Can be a dark version of sexy school girl or just normal, but keep in mind for better or for worse the normal version is very warm.
– Morticia Addams. Elegant black dress, black hair/wig, red lipstick. Fucking DONE.
– Teenage idiot, also known as “unlicensed even dumber Karen Smith.” This is for irony and it’s hilarious. Just put on lingerie and rabbit ears, and when someone asks you what you are, point to the ears and go “I’m a MOUSE, duh!” Oh shut up, it’s funny.