I’ve read a few times in magazines and online articles lately how the word “girl” is unfeminist, that it implies we’re small, insignificant, and not actually women. That the word Girl is somehow demeaning.
I happen to strongly disagree.
I actually really like the word Girl. I like it a lot. You know why? Because it takes us back to a time when we could do anything. When you’re a girl, you have your whole life ahead of you, and nobody is going to stop you no matter how wild your aspirations are. When you grow up and become a woman, suddenly you’re living in the real world and you’re all business. You have to watch the news and go to the bank and buy gross healthy food. Fuck that. I want to hold on to Girl. I want to stay up way too late and play dress-up and eat giant ridiculous sundaes. I want to keep all my creativity and imagination. I want to keep all my options for the future open. And I want to glorify and appreciate adulthood like only a kid can. I want to be grown up without losing any of that fun and sparkle and all those dreams I had. Anything is possible. I’m living life to the fullest. That’s what being a girl is all about.

My Thoughts on Ageing

I feel like I want to put something in perspective here, even if it’s just my own opinions and nobody shares them. I think a lot of people are wrong about the reason they don’t want to get old. They worry about getting wrinkles and getting fat, and things like that that in the grand scheme of things seem incredibly insignificant. I mean do you really think those who love you like that will love you any less because you’re older? Hell no. I watch these hair dye commercials and I think “what the fuck is wrong with you? There is NOTHING wrong with grey hair!”
You know what I think it really is? We’re afraid of running out of time to do the things in life we plan to do. Think about any age a person can be. What’s wrong with it? There are things that suck about getting old, but no more things than suck about being young. Did you really enjoy being a teenager? Being a kid? Even being in your 20s and not knowing anything about your future, struggling to piece it all together? I mean honestly, not just the pleasant bits and pieces of memory you’ve taken with you. I didn’t think so. Do you not look up to the older people in your life, impressed that they can be so wise, so cultured, so experienced in life? Of course you do. To get old is not a change in the quality of life, though I wouldn’t say the same for illness, which I admit can and does accompany it. No, it’s just a change. And you’re focusing on the wrong things.
Like I said in the My Thoughts On Weight post, don’t look to the wrong role models. As you grow old, don’t look back on the people who are younger than you with jealousy or longing. The fact that you’ve already passed that point in your life is something to celebrate. Those bad times in particular are over, and you’ve grown from them. You’ve gained knowledge, love, and experience from them, and you are all the better for it. Your looks be damned, they don’t fucking matter.
But the real fear, that of running out of time, is a reasonable one. What do you do about that? Live your life without regrets. You’re not dying right now, but we all know life doesn’t last forever, and as much as you know you won’t get to do everything you want in this one life, you can at least try to do as much as possible, and start as early as you can. Don’t waste it. If you enjoy your life, milk it for all it’s worth, be happy, and focus on all the best parts, then you can’t be as down about being older. You can only be proud that you did the best you could, and gained so much.

A Woman Should Look Good For Her Husband

How dated of me, right? How very anti-feminist! I discovered how much I loved vintage and went off the deep end!

Well, no. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. First, keep in mind that I firmly believe it works both ways, that a man should try to look good for his wife. But I’m under no delusions that men read this blog. If they do, I hope they just exchange terms and take the same humble advice.

I find it in poor judgment when women seem to take the attitude that all the effort is in “catching” a man, and that once they’re married everything is in the bag and they can let themselves go. While it’s no good to always focus on the negative, we shouldn’t forget that there is this thing called divorce. You should be working just as hard to keep your husband as you did to get him to become your husband in the first place. I am absolutely not saying this while neglecting that you should also retain your pleasant personality, but this doesn’t seem to be where most women struggle. At least from what I’ve seen. You’ve no doubt heard countless times about women who have let themselves go. Men everywhere lament that the last time they saw their wives in a dress was on their wedding day, and now they wear their husband’s clothes more than their own. It’s sad. And absolutely preventable.

Look, being with the same person (presumably) for life is not always going to be the way it started out. Relationships go through stages. People get comfortable with each other, see each other at their worst, and eventually can most definitely get bored of each other. Letting yourself go is not going to help matters here. You owe it to your relationship to put your best face forward every day.

It’s a respect thing, really. We all know the ol’ bait and switch is downright mean. You would be pretty pissed if you married a sexy beef cake and a few years later found yourself with a big slob. Marriage is all about respect and putting each other first. Treat him the way you want him to treat you. Lead by example. Who knows, he may very well return the favor in order to look good next to you, to continue deserving you. It’s not JUST about looks of course. If it was you would have dumped each other long ago after realizing that you just weren’t compatible. But it’s a great thing to know that your partner is putting in effort for you, to make you that much more pleased to be with them. It’s a little piece of the big picture.

Besides, it isn’t just for him, but yourself too. Even when you were single, didn’t it ruin your day when you didn’t put in the effort, when you felt bad about yourself? Being married doesn’t change that, it amplifies it. Confident sex is good sex. An unhappy wife is not a key element to a happy marriage. If nothing else, do it for you first. A good number of women with depression have stated that putting an effort into their appearance was definitely a contributing factor to feeling better. While there are tons of things you can do to be a happy person, this is one of them that doesn’t need to go ignored. A little bit of vanity isn’t a bad thing unless it’s selfish or arrogant.

Like I mentioned earlier, people can get bored with each other after being together for so long. It’s to be expected. But you don’t have to surrender to it. Looking good for each other helps retain some of that spark. There’s no reason you should stop turning each other on. And it’s really not that hard; it’s the little things that count. I often wear perfume to bed because Mike likes it. And he wears my favorite cologne for me. Never underestimate the power of the little things. They can affect your lives in a very big way.

But of course, be realistic. You don’t have to vacuum in pearls. You don’t have to wear a low cut dress on every date. You don’t have to do or wear anything you are not ok with. Compromise, remember? If you’re uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, then it’s just not worth it. Remember this is about contributing to YOUR happiness as much as his. Always be comfortable. Always be appropriate. Accept that he will see you in curlers. Accept that being ill is not going to be attractive and nobody should expect it to be. Accept that aging is inevitable. But carry it all with dignity, good humor, and a little wiggle in your step, then he will more likely be yours forever.

My Thoughts on Weight

I do agree that anyone who is unhealthy should do whatever they can to become so. Of course it’s not that simple. The media has poisoned us to make a lot of us feel not good enough when we really are. Even if you are losing weight in order to be healthier, it can be a tough road when you hate the way you look. A person needs a certain amount of motivation. I’m not here to give you diet advice, I can’t do that. But I do have some thoughts on the matter.

-Don’t look to the wrong role models. Of course you’re going to feel bad about yourself if you’re a size 10 and you keep dwelling on images of girls who are a size 2. The truth is, beauty has no size. Find pictures and role models in beautiful women who are the same size as you. I don’t care what you say, they ARE out there, and I’ve tried to include some in this very article to get you started.

-You don’t look as bad as you think you do. In fact you’re likely very beautiful and just need a way to see it. We are our own worst critics. You probably look at least twice as good to other people as you do to yourself. Don’t dwell on your flaws. Believe me, nobody else will.

-Food is one of the major pleasures in life. If you starve yourself you WILL be miserable, and then what the hell is the point anyway? You don’t need to eat junk, but you should absolutely find food that you truly enjoy. Take your time to focus on and enjoy your food. If you eat in a rush or while distracted, you’ll lose out and continue to feel deprived and want more than you need. This goes for everything you have. Stop and smell the roses. Don’t take anything for granted. You’ll be surprised at how quickly this simple change in attitude will enrich your life and make you feel like you have more.

-The right underwear makes all the difference. And they DO come more attractive than Spanx. Even though Spanx ARE awesome.

-Love yourself. I mean this on every level. Don’t mentally abuse yourself by beating yourself up in the mirror, and don’t abuse your body by starving or neglecting it. Do things that make you feel good, like taking a hot bath, getting a hair cut, and even just using perfume. Show yourself compassion and respect in every way you know how.

-Remember that the world is really screwed up, and that’s not a reflection on you. Very few people are naturally a size 2, and it’s wrong for the media to promote the idea that it’s just that normal. It’s also wrong for them to promote the idea that only skinny women are attractive. Everybody is different. They look different and have different preferences in the way that other people look. You’d be amazed to find out just how many people think you’re PERFECT, just as you are at this minute. Hell, most women SHOULD be a little round, that what makes them soft and sexy women! Oomph! Ignore mean or stupid people. They don’t have your best interest in mind.

I don’t know how else to conclude this but to say that you don’t need to change who you are. Just be your best self. You are awesome.

“Everybody is Just Jealous!” : Trying to Debunk Beauty

Being attractive is obviously not such a bad thing. But it’s not always a good thing either. While I strongly believe the whole “Everybody is jealous of me!” statement is a pathetic excuse not to have to look at your own flaws, there are definitely some issues here worth looking into. Like everything in life, it looks different from different angles, and having a better understanding of it can help you both navigate different social situations and avoid using it as “the anesthetic used to ease the pain of stupidity.”

Like I said, whether it’s true or not, leaning on this means that you won’t be looking at the flaws you do have, easily turning you into the sort of arrogant jerk who actually deserves such treatment. It’s for this reason that I never recommend it. Ever. If you catch yourself saying this, unless you have absolute proof (the person told you so and you took it in the CORRECT CONTEXT) know that you WILL be ridiculed later on.

Oh, and a word about that context. Someone might tell you they are jealous of an opportunity you have, or of your house, or some other part of your life, but this does not mean they are jealous of you as a person and/or your whole life. Again, keep the arrogance in check, please.

Nevertheless, this sort of thing can happen, and it’s important to know why. Women are naturally programmed to compete with each other. It’s a primitive (yes, PRIMITIVE) instinct used for snagging a man, much like the douchebags in a club who beat each other up because one of them looked at the other’s woman. It’s easy for them to see each other as a threat, even when such a notion is beyond silly. This is where we get the tag line, “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Have you ever done this? If so, it’s important to remember the same things you might want to remember when it comes to an “ugly” person; that they can’t help it, and it says nothing about the person’s personality, intelligence, or intentions. Just because you see a beautiful woman does not mean you can jump to the conclusion that she’s going to be a bitch to you and steal your boyfriend. If she does, it’s more likely a result of her bad personality. So if you must hate someone, at least make sure it’s for a better reason than “she has prettier hair than me,” and if another girl hates you, maybe don’t assume so quickly that it’s because she just wants your shoes. More than likely, you’re coming across as somewhat unpleasant. Work on that, I promise you’ll see a difference.

On the other side of the coin, psychologists tell us that we often judge a person’s personality (I’m guessing this is more likely to be a person of the opposite sex, but not always) based on their looks. If someone looks good, we automatically assume they are a good person. You can see this theory in action on the episode of “What Would You Do?” where they have various people stealing a bike to see which of them will be confronted. Unsurprisingly, the beautiful woman was not. Instead, she was judged to be the owner of the bike who may have just lost her key. So this brings me to two points. First of all, just because you are attractive does not mean you get to be a jerk, because you assume you won’t as likely be perceived as one. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. Beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside just equals ugly, plain and simple. The second point is that just because you’re a hot chick and guys are nice to you, does not always (Ok, it does SOMETIMES) mean that they want to sleep with you. On South Park when Bebe got boobs, the boys didn’t even know what sex was yet; they all started thinking she was “really, really smart.” I’m sure if they were older it wouldn’t have gone down quite that way, but the theory still stands. There is a good chance that they just see an attractive girl and therefor are also seeing a girl with attractive qualities. They’ll be more likely to actually want to sleep with you, and STAY with you if you try to live up to those qualities.

I guess this can all be summed up by saying that you should never jump to conclusions about a person, whether it be what kind of person they are based on what they look like, or their motives towards you based on what you look like – or THINK you look like for that matter. We are a species that judges people. If we must do this, let’s judge each other for our personalities, not our bodies.

How To Feel Feminine

Partially due to my job, I spend a ridiculous amount of time both online and in front of the TV. It’s certainly not the same as going out and seeing crowds of people in person every day, but in a way, despite the fat ass I may one day achieve, I think it’s better. You’re not likely to go up to people on the street and start asking them what their fashion woes and opinions are, unless you’re a TV host. From those very hosts we get those answers. And one thing I see women mentioning a lot is that they don’t know how to feel feminine. So how do you do that?
I would love to do an article on what masculinity is, and I suspect it has something to do with a very clever combination of chivalry and toughness, but I’m not a man. I can however offer my own thoughts on what it means to be and feel feminine. To me the answer is not much beyond simple luxury; things that feel, smell, and look amazing, to make you feel, smell, and look amazing too. They don’t necessarily cost a fortune or take the amount of time you would need to fly to Paris. Think of the things you already do to pamper yourself, and if you don’t, you poor, poor thing. They include painting your nails (even clear polish is fabulous), silky pajamas, body lotions, and perfume. These are the guilty pleasures that give you an inner glow that projects the simple elegance we all want. They’re all very easy to indulge in, and taking the time out for yourself in itself, even for just a few minutes, is something that will make you feel luxurious. I believe in having the most luxurious life that time and money will allow, and trust me, I feel extremely feminine, and life is all the richer for these little things, at least when you don’t take them for granted. Give it a try. Spend a minute covering yourself in lotion or baby oil as soon as you get out of the shower. Put on matching underwear. Eat some strawberries. One thing will lead to another and soon you’ll be enjoying a whole lot of what you once thought was a huge task.
And now for your comments. What makes YOU feel feminine?