Coming Out Showers

I think coming out showers for trans people should be a thing.

Think about it. Cis people routinely have wedding showers and bar/bat mitzvahs. Trans people don’t always have these opportunities, at least not for their true genders. But what better way to show support and welcome them into the community of that true gender? These could be a rite of passage complete with gifts to help set them up for this new phase of their lives.

Now of course I need to stress here that not everyone will WANT a shower. And that should absolutely be respected. But for those that do want one, I can’t think of a more supportive and meaningful single gesture.

There should be cards too. Like “It’s a girl/boy/non-binary person!” but referring to someone who is not a baby. Happy things, because a person making the decision to live their lives as their true selves is something to be celebrated just as much as those other things we throw showers for.

Let’s spread the word and make this a thing for those who want it. Let’s celebrate people’s identities and welcome them into our communities as the people they are and help get them set up. Share this article if you agree!

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A tiny little post about binders

I’ve always made a habit of writing things as I learn them, to share beginner-friendly tips and tricks. But since I’ve been distracted, idea-less, and therefor silent for a while, I realized while going through some old posts that there’s probably some stuff I forgot to tell you about. Maybe this isn’t enough for a full-length post, but please comment below if you want to see anything else here and I’ll add to it.

Ok, so, binders. Yes, since the creation of this blog I have done quite a bit towards figuring myself out. I’m still fem as fuck, but a binder was in order. I’ve learned a precious few little things about them that suit me quite well, and that you might find helpful.

  1. You won’t be flat. Just MORE flat. Guess what, dudes aren’t usually totally flat either. So just suck it up, you’re fine.
  2. There is a serious lack of pretty binders. Bitch, trans-masc people can also like pretty things, and there are even some (both cis and trans) women who bind, too! Maybe one day I’ll be able to do something about it. Ok, that wasn’t super helpful…
  3. Speaking of #1, you probably won’t be too happy with your shape in a binder alone. This is discouraging, I know. The trick here is to distract the eye. Thankfully, this isn’t hard to do at all. Just some kind of looser or random lines around the area do the trick. Not wearing a form-fitting tshirt is pretty key here. Any clothes that are looser will look just fine.
  4. I personally prefer full-length tank styles over half styles. They don’t look like bras, they can also compress your hips, and you can wear them exposed. I like mine with this sweater or an open button-down. In both outfits I’ve been asked what my binder looked like. When I told them they were looking at it, they were surprised. Success!
  5. Yes, they can be hot. But see above for help with that. It really doesn’t need to be that much of an extra layer if you treat it more like a shirt in itself.

That’s all I got for now. It’s not a lot, but it’s been a pretty big deal towards helping me deal with trying to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. Hopefully this post is a sign of more to come.

Pictured: resting sad face concealing a fair amount of happiness.

Dear Leelah

I couldn’t have said this better myself, so I’m just going to leave this here.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/01/01/dear-leelah-we-will-fight-on-for-you-a-letter-to-a-dead-trans-teen.html

For ways you can help:

https://www.change.org/p/barack-obama-enact-leelah-s-law-to-ban-transgender-conversion-therapy

http://theleelahproject.com/help

https://www.change.org/p/carla-l-alcorn-have-the-correct-name-of-leelah-alcorn-placed-on-her-headstone-in-true-remembrance?recruiter=203504061&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_facebook_responsive&utm_term=mob-xs-no_src-custom_msg&utm_content=rp_petition_fb_share_desc%3Acontrol

http://www.translifeline.org/

And to all the others in her position,

THERE IS HOPE. Don’t give up. You are loved, and you will be ok. Countless people stand behind you, including me. You are not alone.

Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity

One of the things I hate most is when people talk about shit they know nothing about as though they’re experts. We’ve all witnessed it. And Julia Serano is a woman after my own heart as far as this goes. Because there are certain experiences that need to be lived in order to be properly and fully understood. Here she is calling out all the so-called “experts” on gender and transsexuality for their ignorance and hypocrisies, and you can feel her anger.

So is this a book by an angry lesbian feminist? Yes. But the more you pay attention the more you’ll realize that this is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s very much a good thing. Because one thing I didn’t expect this book to be was sad. To learn about all the ignorance this subject is steeped in and the very real negative effects this has on the great many people living it day in and day out is nothing if not upsetting. If the revelations herein don’t upset you, then I have to wonder how much you really care about this subject, and why then you decided to pick up this book. It should also be said that issues of feminism affect men, and likewise issues of transsexuality affect cis people. We’re all part of this world together and we don’t live in a vacuum.

This is a relatively new kind of gender-studies book in that it’s written by a feminist lesbian trans woman. This is a look not from the outside in, but from the inside out from someone who is in a position to experience discrimination, often perhaps unintentional, due to her inclusion in three different groups. To use the language of Hubbub‘s Emily Cockayne, she is an inpert, as opposed to an expert, as she relates to us her knowledge from first hand experience. She’s incredibly intelligent and makes her points very well, but she’s also completely unashamed of herself, and her personality – and anger – reverberate through the pages. This woman has earned her attitude and the right to speak authoritatively on this subject, and it’s for this reason that I really love this book.

Not only is this book heavily saturated in personality and real-life experience, but it brings to mind issues that many of us have probably not considered, as well as how these issues effect all of us as a whole. Julia Serano opens up and allows us to take a deeply personal look into her life as she experiences it and experienced it during the various stages that she went through on her journey to becoming the person she is today. This might sound especially appealing to those very curious people who want a look into something somewhat “taboo,” but while it’s definitely interesting, it also has a way of deeply humanizing this subject, and in the process showing us how very important it is for this to be done. Julia Serano is not only incredibly smart, but incredibly brave, not just in that she has been extraordinarily true to herself but in that she’s offered us the chance to see things from her own perspective in such an unashamedly honest way. By the end of the book you’ll no doubt see femininity and LGBT* issues from an entirely new perspective, and this to me is what makes this book an utter success.

Have a look at the video below for a discussion with Julia about her book.